I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
Randomize
