Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize
