just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
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