Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Randomize
