there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize