I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
