We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
Randomize