i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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