Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
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