I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize