yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
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