help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
