It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
You left your phone here
Wait...
Randomize
