At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
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