So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
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