Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
do herpes really smell.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
Randomize
