That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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