My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
Randomize
