that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
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