I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
