Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
