i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
Randomize
