If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
Randomize
