I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
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