i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
Randomize
