I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Randomize
