Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
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