I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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