nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize