Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
dude. I can hear the air.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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