What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
Randomize
