do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
