two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
This baby is an asshole
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
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