you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
