I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Randomize
