just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
