The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Randomize