someone threw a dead crab at me
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
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