YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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