I need help removing her.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Randomize
