I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
