I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
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