Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
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