it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Randomize