I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
I am naked and annoyed.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Randomize
