Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
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