That's intense
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
Randomize
