you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
Randomize
