Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
I'm eating all of the evidence.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
If I had your ass I would rule the world
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize