dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
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