so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
i think my cat just said my name.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
