Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
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