if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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