I want to walk on stilts...naked
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
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