dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Randomize
