don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
