kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Randomize
