ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
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