I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Randomize
