You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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