i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
Randomize