Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
