Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
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