On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Randomize
