TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
Randomize
