I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
Randomize
