I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
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