And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
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