Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
I'm getting married
To pizza
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
