I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
