I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
