2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
I smell stomach acid.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
