Joe is yelling at the trees again.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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