I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
