I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
