Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
Randomize