Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Randomize