Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
Randomize
