Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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