My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
