i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
Randomize
