my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
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