Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
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