Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
Randomize
