we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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