ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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