haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
