Please, let me fuck your mom
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
