I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
Randomize
