Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
he fucked my hip out of place.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
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