16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
Randomize
