based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
