please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
