My ? Is...... Would it be sweet or creepy to take a girl on a first date to chigago?
creepy.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
