i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Randomize
