It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
Randomize
