Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
