Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Randomize
