I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
