i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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