I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
