I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
Randomize