did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Randomize
